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Chairman's Chat...Can you feel the love?
08 August 2012

The latest spiel...

Well, there's been so much to reflect on over the last few weeks, one doesn't know where to start. It is like having the usual conundrum of curry, pizza or Chinese, except that this time there's a mischievous little Thai that wants in on the action. How about we start at the beginning. Where do babies come from..? Well, when a man and a woman REALLY love each other...

Ok, let's skip on to more pertinent issues. How about we start at the Dragon Boating European Championships in Nottingham? Or, alternatively, we could call it Bachelor Party...I mean, where else could one find a multitude of diverse, trendy bars and end up in the local 70s dive, where your unsuspecting Secklow-ites get hit on by twenty-something year olds? At least that was probably better than getting hit on by the folks in the club that were actually IN their 70s...one should have gone to Ritzy's (or whatever it is called now) for some proper chavs.

Maybe some comment on the racing? Well, massive congratulations to the GB boys and girls that did us proud. Despite the organization looking, at times, like the dragon boating equivalent of a chimpanzee's tea party (with extra messy custard) the competition seemed to be a massive success with a flood of medals for Team GB, many of them gold. We showed the rest of Europe that we might not be very good at organizing the piss up in the brewery but, once we're in the pub, we can drink everyone under the table with incomparable style. Sit down you Germans...don't even start. And, in the case of the Juniors, winning at a stroke rate equivalent to downing seventeen pints in three seconds. It is impressive, kids, but you're not old enough to even be drinking yet. Go and play with your Lego.

As for Secklow...well, we scrabbled and hustled and, at the 11th hour, managed to cobble together a gorgeous-looking sixteen paddlers for the National League event at Stockton. It was hard work but an epic effort by the beauties in maroon. The whole task was made even more challenging by one of our crew members deciding to check out that (i) a 1.5tonne steel-framed pontoon was still more solid than human tissue and (ii) that trying to shin the aforementioned pontoon whilst doing impromptu splits was going to hurt a lot. Unsurprisingly...it was, and it did. Mark's pain was probably not helped by the orangutan that thought he would test out the potentially broken leg by prodding at the wound and generally wrenching his foot around. As first aid tactics go, it was...different.

Still, the experience enabled us to check out the local A&E facilities. Whilst the staff were generally friendly and helpful for the four hours that Mark was there (fear not readers - 'twas nothing but a flesh wound) one has to ask: is there anyone locally that DOESN'T have a problem with (a) drugs - either too many or not enough; (b) cage fighting - or fighting generally; or (c) excessive pie consumption? And why the hell didn't the vending machine work?? There were ravenous dragon boaters in desperate need of chocolate. A fail on every level.

Next stop for the Secklow love-bus: Mansfield Reservoir. Goodness knows what mayhem will be involved, but that's the beauty. Never let it be said that we don't bring drama and entertainment wherever we go.


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